Brenda Lunnie-Jobe MA, LPC
Boundaries: Part 2
Brenda Lunnie-Jobe MA, LPC December 10, 2016
In Boundaries: Part 1 we discussed the meaning of boundaries. In part two of this three-part series on boundaries, we will discuss how to know when your boundaries are being crossed or ignored.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are asked to (or it is assumed that you will) behave in a way that is inconsistent with your personal values, emotional or physical wellbeing, or in a way that is uneven with the standards you have set for yourself, your boundaries are being ignored and/or crossed. The following are a few examples of boundaries being ignored or crossed:
Many times, there are physical and emotional reactions that occur, when someone crosses or attempts to cross your boundaries. These may include—but are not limited to—churning in the pit of your stomach, cheeks becoming warm, confusion, irritability, anxiety, disbelief, and sometimes anger. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may experience the “fight or flight” response.
When we don’t set boundaries in our relationships, we leave ourselves vulnerable to trouble. As a child, my mother told me, “You teach others how to treat you”. Although stated in a very simple way, I knew she meant, that, what I did or did not accept from others, is how they would learn to interact with me, and that it was my responsibility to show them what is acceptable. She was teaching me how to set boundaries. A lack of boundaries can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, abuse, shame, guilt, loss of relationships, and toxic relationships.
Remember, boundaries define and protect these parts of our ‘self’: Love, Emotions, Values, Behaviors, and Attitudes. These things make you, you. In Boundaries Part 3, we will discuss how to set boundaries, and some of the things that happen when you do.
To be continued…
Office Hours Monday - Friday: 10am-8pm Saturday: 9am-1pm Sunday: Closed